So, my 3rd weekend in New Zealand, what did I get up to? Well I spent a fair bit of time with Charlotte, I co-hosted a horror movie night, I went to the movies, I am in contact with someone from 'Wellywood' which is the Wellington equivalent of Hollywood and I made a very short movie (of Charlotte ;)...no, this one I can actually show on here without getting my blog censored.
But rather than be like many other blogs out there and leave it as this, I will elaborate on these stories a little more for you now. Oh, before I do, I should point out that of course with it being a weekend, then there were no chances for me to be a leading man in a job, but hopefully parts will be offered in the coming days, and if I can stick to the script, I may just land one.
OK, how did my movie weekend start off? Well, it was a trip to the cinema, or Reading Cineplex just off of Courtney Place to be precise. I have never been to a New Zealand cinema before, but I was not expecting it to be much different to any the world over - oh, how wrong could I be...
The first thing of note was the grand entrance, replete with shiny, shiny floor and complete lack of people. There was a hubbub coming from somewhere though and a small sign on one of the kiosks informed us that tickets could only be purchased from the 'Candy bar' on the 1st floor. Now, I must just tell you that up to this point we had been debating about food - did we have enough time to eat before the film? - what would we want to eat? - could we eat in the cinema? - would a MacDonalds really be worth it? etc.
So with rumbling stomachs and little time we approached a New Zealand time saver, at least in theory, of combining the tickets, popcorn and drinks purchase into a one stop shop. I was thinking they were just being tight on staff, but it did kind of work apart from for me. You see, whilst queuing, Charlotte had to pop off - it saved doing it during the film...small man three rows in front of me, if you are possibly reading this, take note next time and go before the film eh!.... - so I was left in the line, slowly approaching the ticket agents, or should that be pressure sales staff!
Yes, you guessed it, we had not decided on the food items to purchase and had only just settled on a film. Now when it comes to film choices for an early stage relationship, there are a few rules (I believe), the first being "nothing too serious, e.g. Kramer vs. Kramer", secondly you do not want to highlight any political differences too early, so "no films with a strong message, e.g. anything by Michael Moorecock", and then you should steer clear of war, sci-fi and horror, as if they are good you will need to watch them again (as you may miss bits), and if they are bad then the man will get the blame. So basically this just leaves Ben Stiller movies!
Luckily, mmm...never thought that word would follow a Stiller reference, anyway, yes there was a Stiller movie out - heh, what are the chances!? So I knew that I had to buy two tickets for 'Heartbreak Kid', what I did not know or expect was the ensuing sales technique...I can best explain this with the following script...
Kev : "Hi, can I have two tickets for Heartbreak Kid please?"
Agent : "Would you like to pay $7 more and get this $10 food voucher for here?"
Kev : "Erm..."
Agent : "Yes, just $7 more than the $29.50 you are already paying and you get $10 of food"
Kev : "Erm, so I get $3 of extra food?"
Agent : "No, you get $10 of food"
Kev : "Yes, but I have spent $7 to do that"
Agent : "Were you going to buy some food?"
Kev : "Ah, you see, erm, I am not sure"
Agent : "Well you can only buy this voucher now with your tickets, but it lasts 2 weeks"
Kev : "Where can I spend it?"
Agent : "Just here, at the Candy Bar"
Kev : "OK, what does $10 or indeed $7 get me?"
Agent : "What do you want?"
Kev : "I don't know, I told you that, I am waiting for Charlotte to decide"
Agent : "Well, you could get a combo meal"
Kev : "OK, what is in it and how much does it cost?"
Agent : "You get a medium drink, a small snack and medium popcorn for $9...."
Kev : "...mmm"
Agent: "...but for an extra $2.70 you can upgrade that to a supercombo and get a large drink"
Kev : "Erm, what is the snack?"
Agent: "Any of these $2.50 ones here"
Kev : "I will just have the tickets I think"
Agent: "Are you sure, you can only buy this voucher now"
Kev : "Yes...mmm, oh look Charlotte is over there - can I pay now please....thank you"
So, my initial visit was a bit involved for just buying two tickets, and I felt strangely out of pocket in some way. But I was confident that Charlotte did not want any candy bar food...oh, bugger, yes she did....mmm, back we went - oh, joy, we got the same agent I had 60 seconds ago.
Kev : "Hello again, can I buy that $10 dollar voucher thing now..."
Agent : "No - sorry it is only when you buy tickets"
Kev : "Erm, I was your last customer, 60 seconds ago...."
Agent : "Sorry, no"
Kev : "OK, not to worry...right Charlotte what shall we get?"
Charlotte : "Can I have a small popcorn and a drink please"
Agent : "Yes, and for 70 cents more you can have a large drink"
Charlotte : "Erm, no a small drink would be OK thanks"
Kev : "Can I have some M&M's?"
Agent : "Do you want the extra combo, where you get a large drink, small popcorn and M&Ms for just 65cents more?"
Kev : "More than what?"
Agent: "$12"
Kev : "So, $12 for a small popcorn, large drink and large M&Ms?"
Agent: "No, you only get small M&Ms in the extra combo - you want the cine treat combo for large M&Ms, but that only comes with a small drink and is $11"
Charlotte: "The film is starting..."
Kev : "So, let me think (scanning the menu), I can buy a small pop corn for $2.40, a large dirnk for $3.30, a large M&Ms for?"
Agent : "$5.50"
Kev : "Which makes? Erm...$11.20?"
Agent : "Yes - and you can supersize that for $2 to get a ice cream too"
Kev : "What? Ice cream? Who wants Ice cream?"
Charlotte : "OK, lets just have the small combo and the large M&Ms - erm $12?"
Agent : "Yep, $12, but for an extra..."
Kev : "No...just $12....but, do you do Mortgages too?"
Agent : "What type of M&Ms do you want?"
Needless to say I did not look at the customers behind, and with my pockets bulging with M&Ms and an even stronger feeling of financial loss, we wandered in towards the screen, passing three police men as we did so. Reaching the usher who takes the tickets we were a bit perplexed to see that he was busy watching the police men and not taking the ticket/popcorn/M&M hand he was being offered.
"Oh, sorry, just watching the police there", said Andy the usher (he had a name badge), "Oh, you are not on the run are you?", said Charlotte, "Me? Erm, no...", Andy was now looking over his shoulder at the police. "Don't worry we know your name, Andy, but we won't squeal", I offered in a helpful manner. "Oh, my name is not Andy", and then Andy looked at his name badge, "Nope, yes it is Andy I mean, erm..." - and with that we left Andy, or possibly someone else, stroking his name badge and looking nervous - I suspected there was a cleaning cupboard somewhere nearby, containing a broom, mop and a hog tied, semi naked, Andy the usher begging to be released through his muffled cries...but we were not watching that film, instead we had 2 hours of Ben Stiller!
OK, I am no Barry Norman, so I will not put a review up here - other than - the seats were really comfy, the popcorn was salty and the film was not. Even the shocking sequence of a young woman, wearing a brides gown, in the process of being mounted by a donkey did not add to the overall numbness of Heartbreak Kid. It was kind of like a comedy for people with really dodgy heart problems, in that too big a laugh could kill them, so it just bobbed along with the occasional chuckle.
Leaving the cinema we were now on the left hand side of Courtney Place. You may remember the secret door and alley thing I wrote about a few days ago? Well, that was all on the right hand side of Courtney, the left, it now seemed, was very different!
We had not walked 10 yards when we came upon a Juggler of batons. Quick as you like, Charlotte went up to him and said "What are you up to now?", Oh no, I thought, and said "Charlotte? You have just asked a Juggler, who is juggling, what is he up to now. Clearly the man is juggling?" - but then I realised she knew this Juggler and in fact was catching up on what he did when he was not tossing three batons...mmm, was that the other film we could have seen?
We waved goodbye to the juggler and immediately came across another juggler, only this one was older, wrinklier and had a cigarette, three tennis balls and a 'dodgy old pervert' look in his eyes...he sort of reminded me of Jimmy Savlle....only we did not hang about to see if he could fix it. Besides, 10 yards further on we found another juggler, and this one had three batons of fire! Or at least two, as she dropped one when we were passing, I don't think anything caught fire, but there was a strong smell of fuel in the air so I urged Charlotte forwards. I was now wondering where the ring master and elephants were, on a side street I suspected, but the sound of a drum solo suggested that we had left the begging juggler section and now entered the begging musician bit.
Now, in terms of begging, I always thought the key things to aim for were a) low start up costs and also b) no need to employ anyone, for example roadies. Well, the sight of a begging drummer, complete with snares, bass, high-hat, symbols, stool, begging cap and triangle, sort of contradicted my thoughts, but in hind sight I guess he has earned more money than me in NZ!
So there you have it, if you want a bit of Ben Stiller followed by juggling, Jimmy, fire and drumming, head on to Courtney place (left side) of an evening. I also omitted the transvestites, and bus slapping, grass pulling guy - but then again I don't want to take away all the surprises!
Mmm, the rest of what I wanted to talk about involved less funny stories (yes, I know I cannot have negative funny), but we held a small gathering of eight people for Charlotte's birthday at my place. She wanted to have a horror movie night so I helpfully laid out some of my underwear. Only kidding, I just did not pick it up! Charlotte hired a number of movies to give our viewers some choice - I will not go into the titles here, but again I cursed the time difference between UK and NZ, as my two sources of horror film info. (Chris and my brother Clive) were unavailable - so we ended up watching 'One missed call' which was a Japanese horror story about a mobile phone. Of course the plot and format (subtitles) gave me ample opportunities for witty ad-libs, so I did loose the plot a few times (shhhh).
Oh, yes the Wellywood contact - well this actually happens on Friday this week and it is my attempt to just be part of something 'movie' related over here. Even if I end up lugging boxes or being in a 'crowd' I will be happy. I will update as I find out more...mmm, where can I get a copy of 'Trolleyboy', I could use it for my CV and you never know it may become a classic 'before they were famous' clip?! ;)
Ah, finally, the short little movie I made with Charlotte in - well, you can have this as reward for reading all my drivel thus far.....mmm, you may have just scrolled down to this point too...anyway, there is no plot, reason or script for this film - I just wanted to practice using the 'very limited and no -where near as good as the free stuff on an Apple' windows movie maker software, and I like the music (mmm, yes, sorry copyright people, but that was non-kiwi Kev who worried too much about that ;)
Erm, yes, the sparrows at the end are nothing to do with the rest of it and were in place of what we ended up doing with the fruit salad...which was basically eating it of course ;)